I am an artist and I have a major problem.
Ideas have always been alive in my mind. Ever since I’ve been able to grab things, I’ve learned how to express those ideas across various mediums and formats. I draw, I paint, I write, and I even learned how to crochet not too long ago. And within those mediums are even more areas I’ve dipped my toes in. Simply put, I love art and the art of creating. Throughout the years of changing interests and future passions, art has been one of the few consistencies in my life so far.
With that said, it’s been hard to decide on a single image for myself.
Sharing my art wasn’t the issue; I was always eager to share my doodles and stories with my friends and teachers willing to listen. And when I started to share my art on social media in 2018, I could finally find people who always wanted to listen to me. My first account was primarily dedicated to my passion for the Vocaloid community.1 I called myself Aia. Almost every week, Aia posted doodles and fanart of Hatsune Miku and new Vocaloid songs that came out back then. In two years, I gained a fair following of almost 300 people. Through my fanart I even connected with well-known creators within that community. I had won contests and participated in fanzines. Then suddenly my interests shifted, and I wanted to make something different. Today, that account has yet to reach 300 followers and I only post twice a year.
During my senior year, I had to put Aia aside to pursue something more “professional”. I caved in and started an Instagram account in 2021 to share my original works. I had a logo and a new mascot, and I made reels that gave me steady growth. By the time I graduated, however, my interests shifted again, and I hated having to make content before making art.
Let’s be honest, I’m not funny! I don’t like every sound that’s trending to make it part of my work. Why do I have to fully explain the art I made to explain the ideas I can’t put into words? There was seldom room for art that brought me the same fulfillment as before. I tried to bring Aia back, but now I had to find where to put her to fit in with my new goals. Today, that account is left silent, and I have many songs saved for posts that have yet to be.
To become a successful artist in 2024 has become parallel to becoming a successful influencer: have a brand and find a niche. Be consistent in that niche and your people will come. Your people will come, and they will show you to their people. Only with enough people’s eyes on you will you have meaning. Your content and your art will have meaning. And as far as that audience is concerned, you too will have meaning.
I am a junior in college now. This dilemma has been running circles in my head every day as I work towards my art degree. I love my major, and I love every new idea I learn when I step into my classes. That loving moment quickly fades away when I come closer to my graduation date. Once again, the same questions creep in. What do I want to do with my degree? What’s my medium of focus? What themes will I explore? What do I bring to the table that’s worthwhile?
Don’t get me wrong, I can answer these questions with as much detail as you want me to give. The problem is that my focus is malleable. I care about different subjects with the same amount of interest, and it feels criminal to make me choose one of them to make my whole life. As far as I’m concerned, my life is a composite of all of these—from prose to painting, the trees and flowers to life on the screen. None of them alone can represent me.
That’s where this newsletter comes in.
A few days ago, I found an old notebook from high school. The pages were filled with drafts of short stories and replies to discourse in the Vocaloid fandom. What cracked me up was that I’d create surveys for people to fill out for statistics, in hopes that I could end the drama once and for all. In a nostalgic mood, I decided to look back at the Vocaloid songs that had me jumping up and down at 14. With reflections of discourse in the back of my mind, one song came to focus: "Ghosts Play to the Audience" by PinocchioP.
For those not familiar with him, PinocchioP is a Vocaloid producer who’s been making music since 2009. In the fandom, he is famous for his upbeat tunes and signature stylization of Hatsune Miku. In particular, his lyrics often uses themes of one’s own insecurities or even the odd predicament we find ourselves in this little life. Usually with the song’s meaning in mind, you end up with a weird mix of newfound unease and forgotten joy after listening. 2
“Ghosts Play to the Audience” depicts Miku as a ghost lamenting over the hoops she has to go through to be recognized. The song is also a frantic search for one’s soul, or authentic self.
Artists have much in common with ghosts. Like conversations of the paranormal, the majority can agree that your usual social media content can be superficial or even taboo. But nonetheless, both are just as entertaining. This comparison is told through Miku’s perspective:
“Ghost photographs are all just plays to the audience
Cheap antics pandering to the crowd – understandable by anyone
These sullen curses, they’re all just looking for a reaction
Plays to the audience aimed at those real devotees”
Artists too have to linger around various souls, using any means to get their attention. However, those efforts are solely dependent on whether those people want to believe in us. Otherwise, we might as well be invisible.
When we successfully make our presence known to the public, we finally know the methods to keep their attention. But is that method in question the right one? Will it give us the same enjoyment as it does for our audience?
The song’s pre-chorus is where we find our narrator doubting the authenticity behind it all:
“I might just be going with the trends, but I’m really doing it because I want to!
…Or hey, maybe, I’m selling off my soul and killing my ‘self’ here?”
Everyone wants genuine art; everyone wants new conversations and ideas to discuss. However, welcoming the new means welcoming the unknown. Not many folks like the unknown. The unknown can be dangerous.
Creating feeds on risks but can only survive with a supply of stability, especially in a time where the economy is rocky, and trends can blow away in a second. We can hope one day to achieve both, but as of now, as the song puts it, “It’s all castles in the sky.”
Looking back now as an aspiring professional, “Ghosts Play to the Audience” has perfectly summed up this fear I’ve had for the past couple of years. It’s this kind of dialogue that’s made me feel the need to split my “self” into different genres of art, catered only to one type of audience.
I don’t blame the public for wanting a consistent theme, especially for those in online spaces. After all, we usually follow creators and content because of that special quirk; they are the quickest to identify, making them easier to enjoy. As well as the need to survive in your career, you’ll inevitably have to move with the latest trends. However, if we also want that constant flow of originality, it is important to accept the possible variations in an artist’s journey. If we understand that a close friend is greater than the sum of their parts, then so is the person behind our beloved blogs and channels.
What will make this Substack different from my previous social media attempts? Aia at a Glance will be a bridge between all sides of myself—the sides I’ve already shared and new ones to share later on. What I love about the essays on here is how seamlessly connects pop culture and miscellaneous topics with deep analysis. Whatever the subject may be, so many of the writers here have successfully established meaning to things others would overlook. And I want to achieve that too.
This publication will post about art, of course, as it is central to my life right now. You will also see some blurbs on other topics. Some will add my two cents on hot issues here, and others are infodumps on my favorite things and why they matter. (Like this one!) Every post will have cover art drawn by yours truly, so that I have a reason to keep working on my skills. I cannot guarantee a set schedule for updates, but I do promise that every post will always represent me and my selves.
Whichever aspect of my work you end up liking, I hope you’ll stay for the whole journey ahead with me.
Let me know what you think of the song! If you're familiar with the kind of discussions circulating on Substack, then I think you'll like PinocchioP.
VOCALOID is a music software that recreates a singer’s vocals. Not to be confused with AI, which is generated through an algorithm of preexisting content, VOCALOID is based on the set recordings of a singer or voice actor. Those recordings then work as a “piano roll”, where you can lay out notes to create your sequence for a song. As of 2004, some of these vocals were represented by a separate character or mascot, which attracted a fanbase where people create works featuring said characters. Hatsune Miku is the most well-known VOCALOID character. Miku is loved here.
If you still don’t get the feeling I’m trying to describe, here is a playlist of PinocchioP’s representative works. Trust me, it’ll make sense.